Finally under the 14st mark
I want to weigh myself, just opened my eyes
I’ve taken to feeling so anxious and the only time I relax is when I take tramadol and other heavier duty pain killers.
It’s a placebo even to just take the pill.
It’s all I think about sometimes.
I shouldn’t do it anymore.
So fucked up.
For over 9days I have not had one day where I have not been reduced to tears. I’m normally not a crier. It’s beginning to affect my depression very badly.
It seems harsh but I think like a junkie in recovery would have to cut out old using friends I think you need to cut out those who only upset you. X
Exercise. Compulsively. Until my brain shuts up.
I was going to go out and go wild over the weekend, but, I think I will stay in. Saturday night to avoid insanity as its his birthday I will relinquish my phone and spend it with friends. Thursday while he dates on his birthday I will…I have no idea. Perhaps try and find another man to help me, maybe Duncan. Sunday night I’m getting messy as I need to feel good, I need to dance and laugh and kiss and play until the sun comes up.
I must not lose my mind.